Monday, August 8, 2011

Confessions of a D-List Supervillain by Jim Bernheimer

Confessions of a D-List SupervillainKindle Price:
Available from:
B & N
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 “Being a supervillain means never having to say you’re sorry … Unless it’s to the judge or the parole board. Even then, you don’t really have to. It’s not like it’s going to change the outcome or anything.”

Those are the words of Calvin Matthew Stringel, better known as Mechani-Cal. He’s a sarcastic, down on his luck armored villain. Follow his exploits as he gets swept up in a world domination scheme gone wrong and ends up working for this weak willed, mercy loving heroes. Immerse yourself in his epic battles and see what it’s like to be an outsider looking in at a world that few have ever experienced.

Climb into Cal’s battlesuit and join him on his journey. Will he avoid selling out his principles for a paycheck and a pardon? Can he resist the camaraderie of being on a super team? Does he fall prey to the ample charms of the beautiful Olympian Aphrodite? How will he survive the jealous schemes of Ultraweapon, who wears armor so powerful it makes Cal’s look like a museum piece?

See the world of "righteous do-gooders" through the eyes of someone who doesn’t particularly care for them.

And remember - Losing an argument with a group of rioters isn’t a good excuse to start lobbing tear gas indiscriminately at them. You’ve only got so many rounds and it’s going to be a long day, so make sure you get as many as possible with each one.

Jim Bernheimer lives in Chesapeake, Virginia with his wife and two daughters. He is the author of Dead Eye: Pennies for the Ferryman, Spirals of Destiny Book One: Rider, and the forthcoming Dead Eye 2: The Skinwalker Conspiracies. All of these titles are available from Gryphonwood Press. Under his EJB imprint, he is the author and publisher of Confessions of a D-List Supervillain and Horror, Humor, and Heroes Volume One. For the anthology Horror, Humor, and Heroes Volume Two he was a contributing author, editor and publisher.

I’m so screwed.
They’re coming for me and I’m no match for them.
There’ve been dozens of times I’ve wanted to quit the supervillain business, but never like right now! Hell, I was in semi-retirement when everything went to crap, delivering some orders to what few clients I still had.
This janitor’s closet in a rundown warehouse is where I’ll likely make my final stand. The alarms inside the armor warn me that power levels are down to twenty-two percent – not good. Below fifteen, the flight system won’t activate.
I scan the walls looking for a power source, any electrical current that I can tap into. Nothing ... the building is as dead as I am about to be.
If this was just the Gulf Coast Guardians, I’d have a shot. Of the four Guardian teams, they’re definitely the junior varsity squad. If it was the Biloxi Bugler, I’d kick his ass and mock him (and his sonic bugle) while I did it.
It’s not. I’m not that lucky. I’m never that lucky. It’s the story of my life. Instead, it’s the Olympians, the foremost hero team in the whole world and I’m a minor supervillain at best.
Yeah, those Olympians, twelve college kids who disappeared on a cruise in the Mediterranean. A year later they returned with powers and training from the original Greek Gods. Against them, Calvin Matthew Stringel, reasonably talented, but hapless inventor currently known as “Mechani-CAL,” doesn’t stand a chance.
• • •
The power meter drops to twenty-one percent. Hermes is zipping through the main room, but if I stay still and conserve energy, maybe she’ll give up.
Just because she is super fast doesn’t mean she’s super thorough! The lack of lighting in the building is hurting her and she’s making lots of noise out there and being overly clumsy.
Of course, those things controlling her mind haven’t quite mastered the operation of the fastest woman alive.
Yup, the world’s been taken over and I missed it. All I know for certain is that The Evil Overlord was hiring geneticists like crazy late last year. Now these bugs, about twice the size of a grasshopper, are attached to everyone’s neck and society seems to be reorganizing into a hive mentality. Granted, it would probably make standing in line more tolerable, but I’m not quite ready to sign up.
Given that it’s been two weeks since this started and there has been no worldwide broadcast from the megalomaniac, it’s a safe bet that this is an experiment gone awry rather than a plan masterfully executed. Good riddance to him anyway. The lousy cheapskate stopped using me as a supplier and stiffed me for two shipments of pulse cannons! Technically, I should thank him. Had he paid up, I probably wouldn’t have wasted my time on that penny-ante jetpack sale in Montgomery and wouldn’t have been in my suit when the bugs came.

Interview with Jim Bernheimer

What will readers like about your book?
People will enjoy the sarcasm of the main character.  The story is up tempo with lots of action and adventure.

Why did you self publish?
I have other novels with Gryphonwood Press, but for Confessions of a D-List Supervillain, I wanted to maintain complete control of the work and begin establishing my own imprint.

What is your writing process?
I write when I have free time.  I keep swearing that I'm going to outline my next novel, yet somehow I always end up writing by the seat of my pants.

How long does it take you to write your first draft?
My first drafts usually take 2-3 months.

What inspired you to write this particular story?
It was originally a 5 chapter novella in the first volume of Horror, Humor, and Heroes.  Virtually every review came in and told me that they wanted more adventures from Mechani-Cal.  I'm a big believer in giving them what they want.

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